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July 11, 2012
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The Island was a lost treasure.

A rare gem, indeed, an emerald star that took no part in any constellation, gleaming all alone in its own corner of an endless sky men called the Ocean. Many miles out of anyone’s way, it was a pristine place, unseen by human eyes and untouched by human hands. So it seemed destined to remain for the Ages.

Or at least until today.

For as the sun slowly rose from its nightly swim, as the eternal waves emerged from untold depths, to the faint chorus of life echoing through the morning mist in the jungle beyond the beach, the light of dawn shone on a young man who lay sprawled out on the sand.

Barely more than a boy, really, but tall for his age. His light brown, almost blond, hair was damp and caked with the same ancient sand as his ragged clothes. If not for the breath of life he still had in him, he would be hard to discern from the rest of the half-buried junk strewn across that stretch of beach.

Now these things were the only lingering hint of last night’s storm.

A moan every bit as ragged as his appearance escaped him as he lifted his head and tried to prop himself up on one arm. But try was all he could do, for he was exhausted so soon after his ordeal at sea. He got only a brief, bleary glimpse of the beach before his head crashed back into the sand.

Sand that his hands, for all anyone knew, may have been the first to ever claw their fingers through, and whose eyes may well have been the first to ever behold. He would do no more of either again for some time.
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:iconvshaw:
VShaw Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012
In terms of prologues, I think this is a pretty good one.

It's beautifully written, but it also establishes a mysterious mood. It's not too long and I certainly don't find it skeletal either.
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:iconshadesmaclean:
shadesmaclean Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :D
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:icondanikamilles:
DanikaMilles Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Very nice imagery. Nicely written. There were only a couple of things that made a bit hard to read. Some of the sentence felt a bit long.

ie: For as the sun slowly rose from its nightly swim, as the eternal waves emerged from untold depths, to the faint chorus of life echoing through the morning mist in the jungle beyond the beach, the light of dawn shone on a young man who lay sprawled out on the sand.

Even with the commas it is a mouthful, but otherwise this is great !

Perhaps if it was possible to break up this part in particular: to the faint chorus of life echoing through the morning mist in the jungle beyond the beach. Anyways I hope this helps.
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:iconshadesmaclean:
shadesmaclean Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. The early parts required a lot of trimming, as they were filled to the brim with purple prose, but I also feared it would become to skeletal if I trimmed it all out. :P
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:icondanikamilles:
DanikaMilles Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
No problem :)

Yeah it is always hard to know what to keep and what not to keep. I know I have a huge problem with that. I am also known for run-on sentences. Well at least I was...now I tend to get comma happy to overcompensate lol.
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:iconshyanne-kai:
Shyanne-Kai Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012
This is beautifully written and very intriguing.
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:iconshadesmaclean:
shadesmaclean Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thanks! glad you like it! :)
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:iconshadesmaclean:
shadesmaclean Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
next chapter: [link]
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:iconshadesmaclean:
shadesmaclean Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Series: : In the tropical islands of another dimension, the tale begins, of ancient martial arts and hi-tech weapons, forgotten secrets and those who seek them, the intertwined adventures of several characters, following a journey to haunted places and lost realms…

Story: In the tropical islands of another dimension, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, as one boy's life is blown way off course…

(Sci-Fi/Fantasy, Action/Adventure)
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