Macabre 5‘That Freudian Fish Thing and Thou’
…And Bob the Kiwi didst return to earth and go unto the Kwick-E Mart in Hackensack, New Jersey to buyeth an ice cream sandwich.
But there was a great deal of back story involved, which the Demigod David didst learn of, but in his dimness, didst forget to writeth down.
And this is what little is known, or perhaps made-up, of the back story of Bob the Kiwi (as not chronicled by the Demigod David):
In a certain High School Library, Derrick once shavèd a kiwi with a spoon; he didst keep it in a plant over in that corner.
And the kiwi— which Derrick had named ‘Bob’— didst read of ancient texts and didst study the Dark Arts. And in time, the kiwi didst read every evil and cursèd book in the High School Library, including the entire Martha Stewart Library.
One day, the kiwi didst disappear, as if it had grown legs and took a walk, and left him all alone.
And Derrick di
Macabre 4‘The Chapter That Careth’
(And Doth Never Let Thee Down*)
‘…Say what?’ spake The Man.
‘I said, “May I tell thee a joke?” ’ quoth Scoot.
‘ ’Twas a simple enough question, dingleballs!’ quoth Nori.
‘If that is thy last request,’ spake The Man. ‘I was not sure I heard thee right. Fine. Tell thy stupid joke. I haven’t got all day.’
‘Yes. Of course,’ quoth Scoot. ‘It goeth like this:
‘One day, Confucius doth return from a visit to the Buddha. And the Enlightened One told him that he shouldst get out more and seeketh greater enlightenment. So Confucius went unto the circus which was in town that day.’
‘So let me getteth this straight…’ spake The Man. ‘Confucius went unto a circus in search of enlightenment?’
‘Aye,’ quoth Scoot. ‘So Confucius went forth unto the circus, and